battles of a fat girl

As I'm taking this weight loss journey, I have encountered feelings that I have swept under the carpet.
Well, now their seeping thru.
Personally, I like who I am. I'm secure in who I  am.  I wish I could be that gentle soft spoken classy lady.  But I'm not. I wish I was a size 2, but I'm not.  Are there days that I'm down because of my weight, YES.  But all in all I am who I am and I'm ok with it!! 
I believe in myself that I can and will do this.  As I'm in it for the long haul. 
As I'm going thru this journey I have notice somethings: I have a friend that acts  weird when I'm eating healthy. (seems like shes more insecure with my weight then I am.)(makes me ponder if were really friends) I have another friend all I want to do is eat with her.  I've been super emotional.. weird. Anyways, cheers to weirdness and my emotions. 

            So in my last blog, I wanted to start out light with my walking. 
I started walking on Monday, it felt great so I walked the whole
3.25 miles. I did it again on Wednesday and again this morning
with my whole family. We woke up early and met another family
there as well.
           I can do THIS!!!!
As I look over my goals I need to adjust them.  Starting Monday
I'm going to start jogging the lower half of chambers bay.  Little
by little~ 
         After our walk we met up with the family we went walking with and
we played football, our team won. I was RUNNING.. we then played
kickball. And once again I was RUNNING!!! SLOWLY but still running.
SO I found a new respect for myself, I can DO THIS.
   I've also found out that I used my body fat as body armor. I'm not going
to allow myself to do that anymore, my weight is NO longer going to
weigh me down. 
  
I was watching the 100 rock n roll hits I found a song that I LOVE!!!
It's called LOSER by 3 DOORS DOWN!!!
I'm a "loser" right now HAHAHHA!!!

My children are growing up~

Yesterday, was the boys 9th birthday. WOW 9 years ago, I myself just turning 17  was in the hospital delivering them.  I had no real fear, I knew it would work itself out. I had never been sure of anything in my life before.  I was told Chris wasn't going to stay around, there was a part of me that didn't think so either. But he did and has stayed. 
The saying "everything happens for a reason" is so true. I've been super blessed by my children.
Not only are they kind, gentle, and loving. They brought me back to church when they were only three
years old.  At the tender age of three.  Even though they cried as I took them to nursery and all during nursery they still wanted to go back.
Without them I'd be lost.

In the last  9 years I've gained over 90 plus pounds.  Tonight it hit me, with that much gained I'm only killing myself in return it's only hurting my children and family. I would never want to hurt them.

In the last month I have lost 22 lbs. That's a start, but I'm super scared to gain it back. SO here's my plan.

First week: only walk top half of Chambers.
Second week: Walk top half, down a hill and back up the same hill.
Third week: Walk it all
Fourth week: work on jogging the top half then walk the rest
By the end of summer I'm hoping to run the top half as well as the bottom half.